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A List of Notes for Leaving Home

Graphic by Jess Underwood

You’re leaving home. I hope on your own terms. Your mom and brother joked with you for months about how when you leave, she’s going to turn your old bedroom into a full in-house yoga/meditation center or he’s going to claim it as his own. Your aunt says it’s because the reality of you leaving hasn’t hit them yet. And still, you’re leaving home. 

It took a while (maybe longer than you’ve hoped), but by tooth and nail, you’ve carved your own niche in the wood. For years you’ve counted down the days till you leave but now you’re hesitating? You’ve been running so far to get away. You’re still running and you want to come to a stop but you’re not sure how. Even now you’re not sure where you should go or what you should do when you get wherever you’re going. Regardless, you run. Only slower now. 

If you keep going (and you will keep going), I want you to recall some moments from wherever you’re running and keep some things in mind when you do get to wherever you’re going. This is my gift to you, so when you finally get there, you still have the scuffs on your shoes as proof of where you came from. 

1) Naturally, things are going to be so incredibly different. I’m not going to sit here and lie, saying that moving isn’t going to be scary because it is going to be scary. Despite the anxiety, confusion, hesitation and any other feeling that leaves the pit in your stomach growing larger and larger, remember that you have people looking out for you, regardless of distance. Remember that it’s pointless to compare things now to how they used to be. Isn’t the whole point of leaving trying to find something new? Yearning for the past will only make you forget about anything new. It’s going to be hard, but if it were easy, it wouldn’t be any fun. And even if it isn’t fun, you might have a good story to tell when it’s over.

2) With that being said, there’s not going to be a single place that makes your favorite meal quite like the restaurant back home. Don’t blame them. There’s just something different about your favorite place. Maybe it was the familiarity of the space or the smell that hits you immediately after being welcomed in. The sizzling food from the kitchen and the overheard conversations from the neighboring tables always filled you with a sense of ease that remains unparalleled. It was your go-to for celebrations of middle school theatre performances and birthdays and moments when you just wanted some time with your mom. Going there all those years, it’s almost like they know you exactly. Somehow, you know that even if you manage to find a new favorite place, the craving for your favorite meal here will persist.

3)  As a rite of passage, before you take a last look from where you are, take your bike out to The Spot. You know … The Spot. The place you went to after graduation. The place you take your friends when there’s nothing you want to do but look at the scenery and enjoy the company you invited. It’s going to be a while before you breathe this clean air again. Somehow, in spite of the forces of nature, there always manages to be a classic cool breeze paired with some shady trees to sit beneath, as if the world was expecting you. 

So, on one of your last days, take one of your oldest and best friends down to The Spot. Have a picnic like you always do. While you chat, you laugh at the times you skated together and how you nearly got a concussion in the middle of the road. It’s going to hit you that you’re only going to be in this moment for so long. You’ll apologize to her for hiding her lunchbox in the fifth grade (something she never let you live down) and you’ll apologize for other things. The air hits your lungs deeper than you wish it had.

4) Say thank you to your mom’s car. Your mom has always been extremely proud of her car. It’s a fashionable car and she’s a fashionable mom. You never understood the big deal in fancy cars, but this one got the job done. Through all the drives to and from rehearsals, early school trips and late nights home, you’ve made the passenger seat your own. You never learned how to drive here; however, you half-joked that your mom loved the car too much to trust you behind the wheel. She never found that very funny. You won’t remember all the times she drove you. You’ll try to forget the bad ones. You will remember the good ones. 

Despite it all, it was a very good car. It deserves thanks.

5) There will be a last time you do something somewhere. This is just a constant regardless of where you go. Don’t think too much or get hung up on it. Just acknowledge it. Make your last dinner and your last morning before you go something easy, letting the smell and feel of this moment settle into your memory. It’ll become second nature speeding through all the plans and preparations that you might just forget about the Last Times you’ll have to do something, but it is paramount that you take some time and say goodbye to any last moments you have. Trust that you will be thankful when you do so. 

6) Take a walk. This is a simple one. Just go out for a walk. Find the street, neighborhood, cul-de-sac or whatever you feel most familiar with. Remember all of the moments you played soccer with the kids from the block after school when you were seven. Remember all of the slumber parties and karaoke nights with your best friend, where you rebelled against her parents by eating Nutella straight out the jar. Even remember the more “cringe” moments of playing spin the bottle with your crush at an age that was arguably way too young to do so. Remember alllllll the cringe. Recognizing the best memories and even the worst memories are fuel enough to make new ones. And even if you don’t enjoy the cringe-fest that might ensue, remember that if we forget our history (even personal ones), we are doomed to repeat it. 

7) Potentially the most important, give your pets a proper goodbye. This step is quintessential to leaving on a good note. You’re lucky if you can bring your pets with you on your new journey, but the rest of us will have to make do with this. Give them a few more belly rubs and a couple of forehead kisses and remember that there are few types of love as pure as this. If you don’t have a pet to say goodbye to, visit a friend’s pet. All pets deserve love. 

With all of that said, you might be somewhat more ready to leave your home for the last time. Somewhat works as a caveat. No matter how much is stuffed into this writing, not much is going to prepare you for the event — the experience that is moving out. I wish it were different, and I wish you knew how to better prepare, but in times like these, all you can do is brace for the worst and walk out having survived. But there’s little reason for worry — I mean, you’ve made it this far, right? 

Once again, you’re leaving home. Now is the time, you’ve decided and you can’t wait to see what the world holds for you. And trust me when I say that the world has been waiting for you. I hope you feel invigorated, excited and maybe a little tired. You took your time, slowed down and tied off your last loose strings. Your shoes have worn out, they’ve taken you as far as they can and that’s alright. It’s been a lot, but even after all of that, I can’t wait to lace up new shoes and start running again. Only this time, past the speed of light. 

4 thoughts on “A List of Notes for Leaving Home”

  1. This is so beautiful! 😭 I cant wait to come back to this when I inevitably move out LOL. Very well written, as always for juana, and soo soso sweet. :^) I love the title of this too.

  2. Wow I remember all those moments hahaha. I know the whole event of moving out is coming soon, but I know you’ll love your new found freedom.

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