it should not be said aloud

it should not be said aloud. But

i cannot stop myself

it bubbles in my throat like blood rising like Death’s gurgle, sanguine,
escaping gentle cyanosis lips. my lips.
yours?

i’d like to see them part. i’d like to see the blood spill.
all shiny warm carmine. all disgusting dead beetles crushed
between the teeth. a jaw filled with bones.
splattered viscera leaking, dripping. i
cannot breathe.
is this how desire should flow from me?

cochineal dine entirely on cactus,
prickly pear, did
you know that?
prickly. parted. i could feast on you. But
i can’t do it like the others. i know only to drown, i’d rather choke.

still, i reach for the fruit, and
there’s blood on my hands,
now pricked. punctured. penetrated. Oh,

it’s a terrible mess i’ve created.