(1) I only had you when you had no one else, and you only had me the opposite so really there’s no way that we could have been a death of Dignity where we shake hands and agree to be buried in separate graves. In my head we died in the kitchen, dancing to the song I said was my favorite— dancing to every song, feet crushing bone in a steady corpse rhythm. Ashes to Ashes to Dust. (2) I wrote you a note: “WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF EMERGENCY”. Emergency as in we are dead, emergency as in you are dead and I am trying to join you, emergency as in we killed each other and we are regretting it. Here’s what I should have written: GIVE UP, TURN AROUND, GO HOME. Instead, I wrote “I love you”. (3)And I have a dream every night, despite all this love, where you are fire and you are engulfing my house in flame and burning the breath out of my body and only when I am choking on smoke are you The ocean. You don’t pull me in Or even drown me, but I run to you and hold my breath. (4)My car is a fish. My car is a silver fish and I am driving it into the ocean because I don’t know it can hold its breath like an ellipses, so I am trying to hyperventilate instead but I am breathing you in and breathing you out and getting high instead. (5) When I open my mouth I’m not speaking I’m just reciting graffiti off your bedroom wall under the shelf where our heads press in the summer upside down and we laugh like we didn’t write it. (6) After all that happened, I thought I would remember it but in place of your memory I just have a fruit bruise, purple and swelling until my body is attracting flies and I said I wanted cremation but none of you listened because you thought I was too afraid. (7) Anyways, I’m just calling to say I think things are going to be different without you.