Graphic by Sinitta Leunen
fountains with no water, guess she thought she had less tears hours spent on web md discovering more fears divorce around the corner but it can’t come fast enough spilling out your heart in ink just to hear “damn, that’s tough” brother’s girlfriend’s pregnant, just found out the birds and bees thinking that i’m dying when i only have to sneeze sister’s sneaking grey goose, only wearing loose t shirts waiting for the day when love will hit so hard it hurts ex best friend is typing, tinder swiping up til dusk putting off to do lists because really, what’s the rush? 8 straight hours of class just to then be harassed at work crying in a walk-in freezer, but hey, the pay’s a perk city is a mess, can’t go unless the sun is out mag mile getting shot up, the news anchor says with a pout president is mocking, keeps on talking about some hoax i stare behind a screen and hold my breath as i read the jokes sleep deprived, over contrived, endless self sabotage felt good about my body for an hour long mirage ill reek of sad virginity until i just give in cause turning down these one night stands starts feeling like a sin tugging at my skirt in hopes to silence the cat calls scattered whys and silent cries that bounce off my four walls forcing smiles and counting tiles on the kitchen floor a muted extrovert always ashamed of wanting more tanning on the balcony, the sun leaves half past noon driving past o’hare and promising i’ll be back soon platonic love letters to go-getters i’ll never be go-getting’s unsettling but i’ll chase it to be free 21 and still at home, wild friday nights in bed feeling like i have no friends, mom says it’s in my head logging on to therapy to crack jokes once a week she wants me to say nice things to myself that i don’t think cool air in my face as we all race just to grow old knowing very little but typing it all out in bold my mind spins on an axis, but paying taxes is a blur thinking that i’ll be alright but never being sure staying up til 2 am because i might as well praying to one grandpa as the other rots in hell mom and dad had a good run, but at what fucking cost? breaking heart-framed photos showing two smiles long lost growing up too fast but yet the past won’t go away letting go of all my toys just so the noise could stay relentless thoughts, distant gunshots can really take a toll 8 years old, crying about the things i can’t control