graphic by lyn enrico
FINAL GIRL
YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BE ANYONE ELSE
TO ME DURING YOUR LIFETIME. THE COWBOY
OR THE BARBARIAN – YOUR PROCLIVITIES A SECRET KEPT
BY NATURE ITSELF AND FAR AWAY FROM ME.
I WISH YOU WERE THE SCIENTIST INSTEAD.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Why, specifically, the scientist?
FINAL GIRL
THE SCIENTIST IS ALWAYS MADE A FOOL
BY HIS OWN CREATION OR EXPERIMENT.
HE REALIZES HIS FOLLY ONLY WHEN IT IS TOO LATE.
WHEN THE REVENGE PLOT IS UPON HIM,
HE DESERVES IT.
DECEASED PREDATOR
What you mean to say is you wish me to endure the consequences of the scientist
before I met my end. In fact, you overlook the life of perverse science I lived before you.
You fail to see that the scientist rarely acts alone.
FINAL GIRL
HOW? WHO ELSE HAS PARTICIPATED
IN THE MURDER OF MY CHILDHOOD?
I CAN’T REMEMBER.
SOMETIMES I FEAR I NEVER WILL.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Abuse, as you know, is covert. I practiced the recipe for years
on previous creations. It requires a puppeted cast of people who deny you
of a mirror because they themselves refuse to look. If they do look, they blame you
for the elephant in the room that I have worked to put there.
This is called a family.
FINAL GIRL
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT. FAMILY IS NOT YOU
AND YOUR ARMY OF MONSTERS
THAT I MUST SHARE BLOOD WITH.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Condemnation. That, too, is what family is.
You have the ability to go out into the world to make new family.
Still, your origin from what you deem to be our monster blood does not change.
FINAL GIRL
ONE DAY I WILL BLEED OUT BUCKETS AND EMPTY
MYSELF UNTIL MY FLESH IS NO LONGER
PINKENED WITH THE BLOOD THAT I INHERITED
FROM YOU AND THEM. I WILL MAKE NEW BLOOD
FOR MYSELF.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Do you believe that our shared blood makes you a monster?
FINAL GIRL
I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE I WAS MEANT TO BE A MONSTER
WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR INFLUENCE.
EXCEPT MY DEFINITIONS OF A MONSTER ARE SKEWED.
THE SAINTS MEANT TO SAVE ME HAVE ABANDONED ME BECAUSE
THEY SENSE I AM TAINTED DIFFERENTLY.
DON’T MOST MONSTERS EVOLVE FROM VICTIMHOOD?
YOU PREDESTINED ME FOR IT FROM MY BIRTH, AFTER ALL.
SINCE YOU ARE NO LONGER HERE TO CONTROL ME AS THE CREATION,
I NOW HAVE MY OWN AGENCY. BUT IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE I DO.
IF I’M A MONSTER,
HOW CAN I MAKE IT HURT LESS?
DECEASED PREDATOR
Rest assured, child.
FINAL GIRL
I AM NO LONGER A CHILD.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Rest assured, you may be the last living culmination of my crimes,
but even I know you are not a monster.
FINAL GIRL
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
DECEASED PREDATOR
The world was never meant for children like you.
The saints and other misinformants are not proper judges of those in complex pain
versus those who are and also harm others because of it. The hurting can look the same.
FINAL GIRL
I WAS NEVER A CHILD. YOU DON’T HAVE THE AUTHORITY
TO SPEAK ABOUT HURTING. YOU YOURSELF DO NOT HURT,
YOU HURT ME.
DECEASED PREDATOR
Still, you do not need me to tell you what you are. You find agency in your choices.
I have given you pain, yes, but pain is the vessel in which you must learn to understand yourself.
FINAL GIRL
YOU DID NOT GIVE ME PAIN. YOU BRED IT.
I LIVED MY GIRLHOOD ON THE EDGE
OF EVERY SMALL DEATH. YOU FED ON ME
WHEN I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO HOLD A KNIFE
TO PROTECT MYSELF. I STILL DON’T.
YOU CAN’T MAKE ME SEE PAIN AS A GIFT
WHEN I AM NOT PAST FEELING IT.
DECEASED PREDATOR
I said you will learn to do all that. These statements you make are technicalities.
FINAL GIRL
IN DEATH, YOU GIVE ME ANSWERS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
ANSWERS THAT NO ONE ELSE IN LIFE CAN PROVIDE ME.
NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
DECEASED PREDATOR
We can talk forever if that is what you want. You can dissect every single thing
I am to be blamed for. Do you, one who is not a monster, want to keep returning
to my monster for comfort? The saints may be shit. Send laments to them anyways.
Go find the family that will listen. You do not need me.
FINAL GIRL
I DON’T WANT YOU IN MY FUTURE.
I DON’T WANT TO NEED YOU.
ALL YOUR WORDS BRING ME MORE PAIN.
WHEN MY LANGUAGE FAILS ME, IT IS YOU
MY MEMORY AND BODILY OBLIGATIONS
RETURN ME TO.
I’M SUPPOSED TO OVERCOME YOU. AND I CAN’T.
DECEASED PREDATOR
You said it yourself. I’m the scientist in death.
You overcome me by living.