Graphic by Brenda Delgado
You beautiful creature, We no longer peer into the window Of each other’s lives. My urges to see how you are Are not devastating battles To be won, Or overwhelming giants Needing to be slain. It’s more like shoo-ing the cats Off the counter Or turning down the cigarette Offered to me. I think I look older. My coming of age didn’t arrive with Flowers at a graduation party. It was when you said you wanted to get married But not to me And when I thought “Why couldn’t I be the one to leave you Instead?” I think of you but not in the Middle of my day. Never then. It’s before my mind wakes and as I settle into rest. Deepest morning, haunting evening. And I never think of what we did. More like what life you’ve created Since. Do you still mourn? Ghastly as I make myself appear, I do. I found myself in the chapel Of Westminster Abbey with a group of Strangers. Thankfully, as I left, I managed to avoid crying when I remembered that You said you would pray for me. My tears ephemeral. I repent. I will never step into a church again. I’m sure you’re still at your desk Or arguing with your family Or you're enjoying the rain to come. Doing one of the million human things We do. As curious as I am about you You'll never hear me speak again. How strange is it that the heavens might Place two people in proximity And gift them a garden of their Own solitude To then tear one from another and make memories of their presence. Create recollections of corporeality. Still, please keep the many notes I wrote you. I still have the One you gave me. Shame in loving a writer. Immortalized both in writing and in mind. Laugh. You and your philistines. You won’t be flattered, I’ll never write of this again. No one will ever know how wonderful You are. Divine. I will think of you only in the same way I stare at stained glass windows. I’ll crane my neck. I’ll stare for a moment. The warm spectrum will Light my face, strain my eyes. Then I’ll leave and wonder how someone makes scenes as beautiful as that. My smile brightens. I will never step into a church again.