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you are watching a trans woman sleeping

graphic by lyn enrico

and you are expecting this to be a sexy one, aren’t you?

sweet voyeur     plastic seal between your teeth

open! get on and get it out!

                                       …

                                                   what’s wrong, baby?

– where’s the skin?                    technically, everywhere

– what are you looking at?        the liquid state of

undoing; full-frontal                                  vulnerability.

     …                            oh, for goodness sake!

               it’s still her!

not that you would know

you can’t tell lips and teeth from eating. 

observe. she’s all sweat

which is to say it is very warm           

and everything is

                                                          moving 

wet friction

spit in bassinet. 

girl is not empty, my god,

she’s practically bursting!

if you want to watch

you can see just how much her body hates 

                                     (makes love to) her

in spite of bathroom lighting            lip-spit

frenched reflections.           curl into the

curvature       like suds       like scum

& spit again & wash away

& the silverfish two-foot tackle

                                      (make love to)

bruised boyhood

                           thumb-painted dirt

in the shape of      rough         and         tumble,

mama won’t be happy about this!       silly little

ballerina: never dancing, always falling,

kissing the peach-plum knees.

she is always her politics      always governed

by false accusations                       of divinity;

making                                             footprints

smearing                                          cement

                fix           that           brain!

                        eat an apple!

arrange her, your little ribbon winner

which is to say she’s never in first         but she’s never too far 

                             away.

i don’t think there’s a single bone in these limbs!

i don’t think there’s a single film scene

she can’t see herself in.

right now she’s under the shovel;

do you have one dream you 

                                  just     can’t     shake?

in her neverend:

( she is stranded between staircases )

her duplicate appears to scream right in her 

face — i am asking you to imagine 

the worst moment of your life  

                                                having already passed

with no way of knowing

      it can’t get worse —

      it can’t get worse.

pursebrained, fishing 

                             for coppers

which is to say that she is pleasing her father

                                       and he is                   pleased

come here, my little magnet fingered boy girl!

keep winning!!!

keep your eyes open, it is very late 

now. if you close them

she          blinks          out of existence;

sinks       with handfuls of hair

                      …

– what’s that space?            an opening:

coated gullet of stork

a birth;           a rebirth;           a suicide

            one body

                   with room

       for one body.

(this is the deconstruction of the world’s

largest superhighway)

pull back the sheets

and her stomach, gaping

you will find                 feather scatter

hands on hands on hands on hands on

hands on hands on hands on hands on

hands on hands on hands on hands on

                                                        hands. every one a pair.

every pair grasping.